


His Wounds

by simply_kim



Series: Pathways to the Future [4]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Because it was not abuse at all, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Manipulation, Exhausted Shuuhei, Fabulous Yumi-Yumi, M/M, Meddling foxy dude, Meddling giant fox, Memories, Mutual Pining, Ninth Division Shenanigans, Scars, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-12 05:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7921711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simply_kim/pseuds/simply_kim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It only took three little words for all Shuuhei's defences to come crashing down. They ripped through his heart and encompassed all his memories, depleting his energy and will to keep everything locked inside, reducing him to an infinitesimal grain of sand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**HIS WOUNDS**

* * *

Darkened eyes opened, and they were guarded.

There was a semblance of sadness in them, and maybe even depression, but everything was wiped off in a single blink.

Shuuhei didn't really want this.

With shaky hands, he touched the excessively fine cloth of his coat and drew back quickly as if burnt. He felt like he was being roasted alive, burning in the depths of his own hell as he stood, swathed in finery he shouldn't even be swathed in.

The insignia that was supposed to be on his back was etched in his mind completely.

Inescapably.

But it didn't matter. He didn't want to escape anyway.

A sudden knocking intruded on his thoughts and he turned around, brows knitted and eyes hard. Upon recognition, they immediately softened.

"'Ya alright? Ready?" Madarame Ikkaku grinned.

He chuckled lightly and waved him away. "I will be as soon as you stop peeping."

"You wish!" The Eleventh Division third chair snorted before giving him a jaunty wave and wandering off whistling a tune as he went.

All he could do was snicker in amusement, shaking his head before turning back to the mirror he had been staring at for hours now.

"Tousen-taichou…" He murmured. With reluctant resolve, he turned toward the door; the long crisp white coat swirling around him as he walked out of his old office. Soon, he will be working in a new one, connected to it and every bit austere yet imposing. A remnant of a past both soothing and destructive.

He felt the wind caressing his cheeks as if encouraging him to move forward. Bitterly, he wondered if it was not entirely encouragement. He could feel the excited shiver coursing through his zanpakutou's presence lodged deep in his psyche. It was uncanny, the physical manifestation contrasting with his soul. 

It felt like both a blessing and a curse. 

It was painful knowing that there would always be a part of him in constant need of selfish and often violent indulgence; even more painful knowing that he has been keeping it inside him since he was a mere child who knew nothing of how this world works.

 _Betrayed by my own nature_. He took a deep cleansing breath and steeled himself for what was to come.  _It's time to move on, leave everything behind._

"Forgive me."

* * *

**TSUZUKU**


	2. Chapter 2

**HIS WOUNDS**

* * *

It was no secret that Tousen Kaname had always been a huge part of his Shinigami life. He was filled with such fanatical devotion to him after all the times his former captain had proven himself capable even without his sense of sight. For any living creature, the fact that he could walk alone without any help was amazing enough. For him to do almost everything, well, it was simply phenomenal and warranted much respect.

But that was the past.

Hisagi Shuuhei, current captain of the Ninth Division, looked up at the gradually lightening sky and took a deep cleansing breath.

It was also no secret that he was the one who made the fatal decision to kill his captain, the one whom he had vowed to serve all his life. He was filled with such hatred the moment he set eyes on him again during the Great War, and all he thought about was getting due revenge – and due respect. For anyone who had experienced the same amount of betrayal he had, it was a great feat that he didn't obsessively and callously hack the traitorous creature into bite-sized pieces.

... And the knowledge that he thought that way warranted disdain.

He was now wallowing in it.

He felt guilty most of all, not because he killed him, but because he broke the vow he had made. He didn't serve Tousen Kaname his entire life, but he ended it.

A small strangled sound escaped his throat and he closed his eyes for a moment to get back lost composure. Soon, he was staring back at that old sliding door, waiting for a fellow Shinigami to come out from where he was obviously being briefed.

He had seen Ichimaru Gin slip out quietly, and perhaps, he sensed him too, for he tipped his head towards his direction in what seemed like a gesture of acknowledgment. He let it pass. This was no time to think about the Imperial Spy and the torture his vice-captain was in.

It was time to impart words of wisdom to someone in need.

If his words would even be considered wisdom at all.

He snorted inwardly and commenced his wait, assaulted with worry over his former _kouhai_ 's plight and how he was taking it. He shook his head resignedly. He worried too much for others. What Ikkaku told him before was true after all.

A familiar creaking noise alerted him, and he immediately focused back on the task at hand, cloaking his reiatsu as quickly as he could. He probably didn't do it fast enough or the other was just too sensitive, for his current charge stiffened and his hands went almost automatically to the hilt of his zanpakutou.

He grinned appreciatively. _You really have chosen well, Kuchiki-sama._ Slowly, he sauntered out of the shadows.

"Very good, Renji." He greeted, taking note of the sudden relaxing of those stiff shoulders. Chuckling, he took lightning steps forward, settling before his _kouhai_ , and then reached out, ruffling his ponytail. "Wanna join me for a walk?"

"A walk? This early in the morning?" Abarai Renji stared at him as if he had grown another head.

Shuuhei smiled cryptically and moved on ahead, expecting him to follow. Soon, he heard footsteps catching up behind him, and then they were walking side by side, easy silence blanketing them. His eyes were trained forward, seeking that familiar place that had apparently become too much a part of his daily routine. And soon enough, the small patch of earth materialised, the mist parting as if in welcome.

"Renji. Do you see that mound over there?" He asked quietly, pointing a steady finger at it. He glanced and saw him nod slowly. He nodded back and it took only a few lightning steps before they finally got to it.

A small pinch of pain erupted in his chest, and he quelled it with all his might. His eyes were glued on the epitaph, glued as if there wasn't anything interesting to see but that small tablet staring right back at him.

Glaring.

Glaring.

"A grave?" Renji asked after a few moments of silence.

Just the mere mention of what it was sent chills up his spine. That scorching cry from his memories permeated his senses once again, those familiar moments where the stench of death was closer than he had ever experienced before… the smell of blood strong and thick as it splattered on his sword and his skin.

"Here lies Touzen-taichou." Shuuhei murmured. He glanced at Renji and smiled ruefully. "No, not the physical body – I disposed of it during the Great War myself… this is where Touzen-taichou buried his friend, the one he pledged allegiance and justice to. But for me and Komamura-taichou, this is the place where he buried his old self." He paused, the past assaulting him once again. His hands balled into fists and then went limp. He felt as if his energy was suddenly zapped out of him.

"I used to talk to the one underneath this patch of earth and ask him why _taichou_ turned out the way he did. I didn't get any answer, but after a few days of deliberating, it dawned upon me that this does not only represent life lost but also a life filled with much pain and suffering. A life of heavy burden. He buried it here so he could follow his own path, the path to his own justice." He murmured almost inaudibly, early morning wind wafting through his hair, making it rustle quietly.

"Hisagi-senpai…" He heard Renji murmur in reply.

It was quiet sympathy, he mused, but it didn't help at all. In the life he was living in now, sympathy was the same as pity. His brow knitted and he turned to the younger Shinigami, eyes flaring fire. "You feel for me, don't you, Renji?"

"No, I –"

But it wasn't as if he didn't understand. "You do." Then, as if zapped, the ire went away, threading through the wind as if it never manifested. "But Renji, don't you think you're seeing it in just a single angle?"

Shuuhei dropped down on one knee and gazed at the unmarked epitaph. "I have thought about it for a long time now, and deduced that I've been looking at it the same way you now do."

"Senpai…"

A small amused chuckled escaped his lips and he took a deep steady breath. "I am not pitiful." Shuuhei started. "Nor is Komamura-taichou. In fact, we are both lucky we knew someone like Touzen-taichou."

Yes, it had been a painful ordeal, and guilt might still plague him often, but it didn't mean he couldn't move on – or try to move on. Because now, the limiter that had been placed between him and his own freedom was gone. All that was left to do now was slowly erode that feeling of helplessness and powerlessness he had felt as he took that one, last, parting slash across the broad expanse of his former captain's chocolate skin.

He stood up and brushed his yukata. "Because we understood that the true meaning of the word 'free' is the act of burying your past burdens and starting anew, living conscientiously and doing things that most content you."

Wallowing was not an option, seeing how much was needed to be done, and how far this society had fallen. He needed to do his part to ensure the efficiency and the overall betterment of this world.

_I don't want another Aizen to resurface and recruit those I care about._ _I will make it such that it will never come to a point I have to kill someone I hold so close to my heart, and that is my vow._

_I will never break this vow._

_**Never again**._

"Do you think I'm lucky, senpai?" Renji suddenly spoke, his voice contemplative and quiet. "The ' **me** ' that stands before you now?"

The air around the younger Shinigami seemed to be lighter now, he mused, as he took a short glance at him.

As the sun cast its first orange rays on Abarai Renji's hopeful features, a genuinely confident grin spread across Shuuhei's face. "Yes. You're real lucky." He responded unwaveringly, reaching out to pat him reassuringly on the head.

"Why?"

Shuuhei's grin widened, and a feeling of relief passed over him. "Because you were blessed with a captain who didn't just want to free his own self from suffocating bonds, but desired to unshackle those who are important to him as well."

_And I respect him for it._

It was one of those times he wished he never rejected Yamamoto Genryuusai's initial offer to work under the Sixth Division upon graduation from the Academy.

If he didn't, he would've probably turned out to be as fortunate as Renji.

**OxxxOxxxO**

Ikkaku's news was quite a surprise, but then again, when the initial shock ebbed, he thought it was the most logical thing in the whole world.

"Just can't believe it, ya know… I mean, who knew he'd rise up the ranks this fast, eh?" Madarame Ikkaku garbled while chewing his breakfast. "Makes me envy the bastard a bit, if ya know what I mean."

Ayasekawa Yumichika sighed, setting down his chopsticks distastefully. "Stop talking when your mouth is full. Chewed food coated with your saliva isn't something I like seeing first thing in the morning. You just made me lose my appetite." He grumbled, leaning back against his hands and staring right up the ceiling. "And no, I have no idea what you mean. I've never thought of becoming captain."

He tried imagining himself donned in a pristine, customised white coat, and his mind came up blank. It was impossible. "Besides," Yumichika added for good measure. "I like it here… I'm content."

"Feh, man with no ambition." The Third Chair snickered, swallowing loudly. "That's why Taichou keeps bullying you."

"Look who's talking?!" He turned to him, glaring. "At least, a huge hulking guy bullies me, not a precocious pink-haired kid!"

Ikkaku's expression darkened and he coughed twice to clear his throat. "Whatever." He declared dismissively, eyes rolling in irritation as his friend found his weakest point. "I just let her do that ya know. What can I say, kid likes me."

Yumichika poked his side with his index finger, delighting in the menacing growl that followed. It was fun torturing Ikkaku. He looked like a bald wild cat. And he liked cats. He sniggered. "Delude yourself much, why don't you?" He teased, straightening carefully and picking up his glass of water. "I know you're going to keep working under Zaraki-taichou. You respect him too much."

"Bingo. Ya know me well 'nuff!"

He snorted, raising his glass to his smiling lips. "We've been in this division too long, who wouldn't know your ugly face so well but me, idiot."

"Right-o!" Ikkaku laughed after swallowing another mouthful of rice. "And I know most of your girly habits too, disgustingly vain creature that you are."

"They're _**not**_ girly!" He protested defensively. "Just because you can't differentiate your comb from your toothbrush doesn't mean I'm  _ **girly**_! I just like cleaning myself thoroughly, is all." His eyes flashed disgruntled fire. "And don't call it that or the Shinigami Women's Association would be after your head."

"Nah, whatever! Say what ya wanna say, believe what ya wanna believe, I don't fucking care – are you going to eat that?" Ikkaku pointed at his plate of soy-stewed tofu, eyes hungry and mouth close to salivating.

Yumichika pushed the plate until it was directly in front of Ikkaku and stood up, brushing the knees of his robe (force of habit), tightening the knot of its belt as an afterthought.

"Ya sure?"

He gazed at him thoughtfully before nodding.

"Wow, thanks, these look really good –!"

With a swish of purple satin, Ayasekawa grinned evilly and grabbed the back of Ikkaku's bald head, pushing it forward until his face met with the plate. The tofu made a sickening squishing sound before he let go, and he wandered away, humming a happy tune.

"FUCK!" The Third Chair roared behind him. "What was that for ya fucking bastard?!"

He raised a hand cheerfully, and without turning back, gave a jaunty wave.

"You're welcome!" Ayasekawa crooned sweetly, stepping out of the communal cafeteria and into the first rays of morning. "That would cost you five hundred Yen! See you later, loser!" _No one insults my lifestyle and gets away with it!_

"I'm gonna kill ya one of these days, I swear – DAMN YOU, YUMI!"

**OxxxOxxxO**

Renji had long since left and still, he stood before the unmarked epitaph, eyes downcast, oblivious to the brightly shining sun touching his skin with its warm fingers.

He stood there.

Staring…

Staring…

And staring some more.

But still, nothing made sense… just as nothing did while the war raged between heaven and hell. Why was he still alive? What was his purpose? Why was he the one to live instead of –

"Hisagi-kun."

Startled, he turned, and when he saw who it was, he let out his breath and gave the newcomer a small smile. "Komamura-taichou." He greeted almost sheepishly, trying his hardest not to break down.

This was the first time since the war that he and Komamura Sajin crossed paths. Frankly, he hadn't the faintest idea how to approach him or even _**look**_ at him. He was the first to turn away, focusing once again at the seemingly insignificant shrine. He felt the other captain settle beside him, mirroring his movements… and the silence stretched on.

Neither said a word, and Hisagi felt suffocated. He had no idea what the other was thinking, nor did he have any idea what sentiments he harboured against him. All he knew was, whatever this person would deal him, probably, would be for the better.

Even if he just jumped and decided to end his life, it was fine with him.

But when Komamura spoke, the wall that dammed all his emotions burst open and pain started flooding his senses. It only took three little words for all his defences to come crashing down. Three little words that might have meant so little to an ordinary person leading an ordinary lifestyle… but for him who had done enough to last anyone a thousand years, they felt like lightning.

"You are kind."

They ripped through his heart and encompassed all his memories, depleting his energy and will to keep everything locked inside; reducing him into an infinitesimal grain of sand.

And for the first time in all the years he had become part of Seireitei...

He cried.

**OxxxOxxxO**

"Oi, _taichou!"_

The redhead brooding a few metres away from him continued walking as if he heard nothing. Yumichika groaned inwardly at his mistake. This person was still unused to the title and not a huge fan of protocol after all. _Just this time._ He sighed. 

"Oi, Renji!" At that, the other stopped, startled.

 _I knew it._ Yumichika muttered in amusement. He approached him gracefully and was about to give a compliment on a job well done, winning against someone from the major noble houses when the redhead turned around, with the most oppressed face in the whole of Soul Siciety. He almost recoiled from shock. "What the hell happened to you? You look gross!"

That was saying the least. As far as the Fifth Chair could see, Abarai Renji was the perfect epitome of depression, shadows lining his eyes, cheeks sunken and lips dry. It was as if Kurotsuchi Mayuri forcibly made him ingest some shrivel-boosting potion or something.

 _Eww_.

"Hello to you too." Renji snarled back, wiping the tiredness from his face with his sleeve. In Yumichika's opinion, it didn't do much. Sighing, he pattered towards him.

"Sorry, just surprised." He said airily, making the other's tattooed brows furrow. "No, really…!"

Renji's finally squared his shoulders and let rotated them twice before taking a deep breath. "Fine, fine." He allowed, trying to dredge up his usual smile. "What is it, Yumi?"

"I was supposed to congratulate you, but, never mind." He murmured thoughtfully. "You seem to be having issues. Wanna talk about it?"

Renji chuckled weakly. "You're being nice this morning, aren'tcha?"

He grinned up at him. "I'm always nice, you know, Renji-kun!" He flipped his hair back almost sultrily.

"Doesn't work on me, unfortunately." Came the wry response. "Go get Hisagi-senpai instead, maybe it'd work... You never know."

Now it was Yumichika's turn to sigh. "Ah, he's trying hard not to show it, but he doesn't like me much, you see..." He slipped his hands inside the pockets of his robe and smiled sheepishly. "Ah, I feel so unloved!"

"That's because you stalk him." Renji snickered. "If you want to see him around so much, you should've applied for Vice-Captaincy. It took three months before Kira agreed to be a part of the Ninth."

"Nah, can't leave Zaraki-taichou. Without me, paperwork will pile up. Besides, I enjoy being Fifth Chair. Less hassle, more action, if you know what I mean."

"Why does everything you say sound so perverted?"

"Because the one listening, you, is a pervert too."

"Well, whatever, Yumi." Renji laughed. "Anything more you want to ask?"

Yumichika shook his head after a moment of thought and smiled. "Nope." He grinned. "I'll just see you when you're not too depressed. And when your pile of paperwork's done. Good luck, Renji!"

As he wandered aimlessly away, he heard him calling and whirled around in question.

"Yumi!" Renji called out once again before waving goodbye. "I just had a talk with Hisagi-senpai a while ago – he might still be there! By the hills overlooking the Ninth's offices!"

His blood suddenly felt electrified, and his eyes lit up. Excitement danced in his stomach and he felt energised.

_Renji, you just made my day!_

* * *

**TSUZUKU**

**Author's Note:**

> This is a parallel (but starts earlier) companion fic to "His Freedom", and comes after "His Crime" and "His Choice".
> 
> The story explores the relationship between Hisagi and Yumichika, parallel to the relationship between Hisagi and Muguruma; both of which I have followed in the fandom. I find them both cute and terribly complex and I'd like to take a crack at unravelling it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I'd love to have the creativity Kubo Tite has. Unfortunately I don't, so I don't own any of these characters or the series. Just this story.


End file.
